Are You Hanging By A Thread?

Are you hanging by a thread?

I sometimes wonder.

Sure, I’m doing great now.
But what if something really rubbish happened to me?

Would I lose all hope, and succumb to carnal pleasures once again, desperate for a temporary relief of my misery?

Would I curse God, even if not in my words, but my actions?

The thread my hope and morality hung by took many forms. From the chance of a green card, to reciprocated romance. Often, they happened to be one and the same.

But these threads break.

No matter how much of an idol I made out of it, or convinced myself that I was spiritually healed and fulfilled, deluded by my temporary state of virtue that was merely held together by that thin, fragile, thread.

Perhaps I’ve realised that it wasn’t God’s problem,
that I tied myself to him with the threads of pretty blue-eyed blondes.

When I should have chained myself to him with the decades of beads from the eternal Queen, every devotion weaving in layers upon layers of reinforcing chains.

A bond so immaculate, that only gets harder and harder to break.

What if something terrible happened to me today?

Is one bad day all it will take to turn me into a monster once again?

Perhaps the key is in being humble enough to ponder upon that question daily.

Are you hanging by a thread, or chained with a Rosary?

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